Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
