I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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