Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I am one with the molecules
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
