I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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