you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
