I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
