i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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