i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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