forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
