i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
