just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize