Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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