my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
