I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
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