In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
