Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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