she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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