Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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