Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
