everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
