New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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