someone threw a dead crab at me
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
She needs sedatives and a leash
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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