Don't make out with my wife yet
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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