so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
That accounts for only three of the penises
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
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