God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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