Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
