they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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