A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
