You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
