Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
