As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
