I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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