I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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