Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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