overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
