Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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