Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
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