So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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