i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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