are you so shy because you have an std?
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
