O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
