Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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