her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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