He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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