he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
