He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
smell my finger.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
