i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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