I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
