i barfeds in our rink
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
