Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
