how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Randomize
