dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
