we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
