I want to walk on stilts...naked
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
