you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
