What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
