Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
