make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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