i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
