he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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