im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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