i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
false alarm. still invincible.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
