Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
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