i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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