i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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