His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
