i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
