Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
