I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
