He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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