As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
