If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
