worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
