Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize