if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
