Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
