Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
