You really coming over, don't trick.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
