Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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