i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
