I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
