I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
