Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
