You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
