I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize