I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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