dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
