Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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