the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
