We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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