Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Randomize