shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
