Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The Olympian is in my bed
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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