Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
