Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
