you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
