I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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