Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
