Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
